The Missing
by thevigilante15
Summary: missing scenes from various episodes from season 1-7 containing Tony/Gibbs father son moments abound.
1. Chapter 1

**The Missing**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS and no profit is being made.**

**I decided to do a series of one shots based on missing scenes from various episodes. I know a lot of writers are doing it but I wanted to give it a shot! Hope you like and please review!**

s**poilers: Hiatus part 2**

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Tony sighed and tried to take a deep breath as he stood in the shadows of the hospital doorway. Gibbs was in there, but at the same time it wasn't Gibbs. This was a Gibbs before Tony's time. It was a Gibbs perhaps better off not knowing the job he had now and the daily struggles blended with black coffee and bourbon. It was a Gibbs perhaps better off not knowing a screw up like him. Why were things taking so long? Why couldn't he find who had done this to his boss, his mentor? Tony ran shaky hand through his hair and crossed his arms leaning heavily into the doorway for support this time. Gibbs had stirred a bit glancing nervously around the room, twisting the blanket on his knees like it was his only link to reality.

"Someone there?"

Tony knew this was his cue. He stepped into the dimly lit hospital room with his arms at his side...reporting.

"Hi."

Tony blinked once taking in the meek and friendly tone .

"Hi."

He didn't know what else to say.

The older man sat up a bit straighter in his bed, blue eyes open wide, gentle even.

"Do I know you?"

Tony cracked a wry grin knowing that was a loaded question. _Did_ Gibbs know him?

"Most of the time, " he replied. That seemed like the best answer. He drew a shaky breath and pulled up a chair next to his friend.

The blue eyes never wavered.

"You here to question me?"

Tony leaned forward resting his hands on his chin and his elbows on his knees. He was but the questions wouldn't seem to come.

"How are you feeling?"

Gibbs looked a bit taken back. "Head hurts like it's been hit with a hammer one too many times and my face feels like it's been through a meat grinder."

Tony couldn't help but smile at Gibbs' honesty. The Gibbs he knew would never had admitted that much. Gibbs eyes narrowed.

"That funny to you young man?"

Tony sat up straighter schooling his features. "No, sir."

Gibbs shook his head. "Don't call me sir..."

"You work for a living, I know."

Gibbs returned the smile as Tony finished his sentence.

"Do we work together?"

Tony nodded feeling the emotion becoming a bit too close for his comfort. "Yeah," he croaked.

Gibbs looked back down at his blanket, tearing the little threads that were falling away.

"Ever lose everything?"

Tony kept his green eyes focused on the window across the room instead of on the blue eyes staring directly at him.

"Yeah."

Gibbs nodded biting his lower lip taking in the tone of the young man's reply before continuing.

"How long?"

Tony looked into Gibbs caught off guard, "Excuse me?"

Gibbs repeated the question. "How long has it been since you've seen your family?"

Tony 's heart pounded. Did GIbbs remember?

Gibbs saw the joy bubbling just beneath the surface and decided to quell it before it got any further.

"I don't remember you son, just notice that's all. Sorry I shouldn't..."

"About 15 years or so."

Gibbs blinked. "That's a long time."

Tony forced smile. "You're telling me. Then again, I'm sure they don't miss me too much. One screwup less to keep track of. "

Gibbs took note of the young man's posture and a felt a bit of rage flutter through his heart but not toward the man in front of him. He decided to change the subject before he said something out of line.

"I'm sorry to get off track. What did you want to ask me?"

_Sorry_. Tony heard it but wasn't sure where it came from. Surely not Gibbs mouth. Then again, this wasn't Gibbs.

"I...uh...I'll let you get some rest and I'll come back tomorrow. "

Gibbs watched as the younger man stood up pulling the chair back to its rightful place, backing away form him...leaving him alone.

"What's your name?"

Tony had his back to GIbbs at this point and was glad too . If Gibbs saw the tears threatening to fall he would never live it down. Then again, maybe this Gibbs wouldn't care.

"Tony," he said daring to turn around.

Gibbs took in the sight before him and smiled. It was a genuine and pure smile if Tony ever saw one.

"Well, whatever the situation, Tony, it was your family's loss, not yours."

Tony felt the wetness on his cheek before he could turn away . _Gibbs...damn him_. Tony straightened his shoulders , gave a curt nod refusing to speak because all words had escaped him. He left the room, a part of him saddened by what he saw and a part guilty by the words from a wounded man that he felt happier than he had in quite some time.

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**Well, first in a series of one shots. Any thoughts? Should I write more? Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS and am making no profit:)**

**Spoilers: Silent Night**

**Thank you for all the reviews, alerts, etc. They made my day!!! Please note: I do not know Tony's dad's name so I made him a junior**

**and no I do not own It's a Wonderful Life either.**

* * *

Gibbs didn't know why he had returned to the Navy Yard. Perhaps it was because there was no where else for him to go except to revel in the depths of his basement under the hull of a half finished boat. The ding of the elevator brought him back to the present. He stepped out and headed toward familiar and comforting territory. Settling into his chair and placing his steaming cup of coffee on the desk and he was ready. He began to pore through some cold cases, anything to get his mind off of the evening. Seeing Ned's face: the fear, the anticipation of being rejected, the joy of being accepted. .. Gibbs missed those feelings. All of them when it came to family. He let his gaze rise to the MTAC where his team had watched a movie together. He told them not to wait for him and he was glad he did. After dropping Ned off, he got lost in a conversation with his father and a long walk around the block...hours later he found himself here. Gibbs kept his gaze on the door, his gut suddenly churning. He could have sworn he saw a light flicker from the room. Impossible. No one else should be here on this floor anyway. Vance had taken off hours ago hadn't he? Gibbs stood up and headed toward the stairs noticing the voices getting louder although they were voices he didn't recognize... until he got closer that is. One voice in particular stood out.

Anthony DiNozzo was sitting in the front row clutching his carmeled popcorn in one hand and the other his cell while images of It's a WOnderful Life flickered across the screen. Gibbs snuck in the back row and sat down , afraid to interrupt whatever was about to go down.

"Sure, I'll hold."

Gibbs heard the fatigue on his agent's voice.

"Yeah, hi, I need to speak with Anthony DiNozzo, please."

Gibbs gathered from the one sided conversation that the woman said he wasn't available.

"Tell him it's his son." Gibbs could almost feel Tony's disgust at admitting it.

"A message? Is he at a meeting?"

Tony's sigh seemed to echo in the empty room against the film's monologue.

"No, that's OK. I understand. Yeah, Merry Christmas to you too."

He sealed the cell shut.

"Come to watch the film?"

Gibbs smirked in the darkness. Tony always seemed to know he was there.

Gibbs stood up and headed to sit next to his agent.

"I thought you watched it already?"

Tony shrugged passing the bowl over to Gibbs who greedily stole a handful of sugared goodness.

"I did, but it is a DiNozzo family classic...."

Gibbs eyed Tony and wondered how much was just a Tony DiNozzo Jr. tradition.

"Where were you?"

Gibbs cocked his head allowing a grin to escape. He could almost hear the disappointment in his friend's voice at his absence.

"Dropped Ned off to see his daughter."

Tony 's eyes widened in wonder as he stared at GIbbs and responded, " Really? I thought he didn't want anything to do with her?"

Gibbs reached for another handful of popcorn getting lost momentarily in the voice of Jimmy Stewart.

"It's not that he didn't want to see her. I think he thought they were better off without him. Too much time had elapsed, he had said..."

Tony swallowed as he felt Gibbs stare on his half shadowed face. He knew the implication of that statement and how it related to his recent call.

"He didn't want to talk to me. I call him every year thinking....hoping...."

Tony trailed off. Gibbs let the trail run cold.

"Good popcorn."

Tony shoved the rest of the bowl over to Gibbs lap.

"It's yours. I think if I eat another bit I will regret it."

Gibbs chuckled. Tony stood up and headed to turn off the movie.

"What're you doing DiNozzo?"

Tony lifted his hand off the controls and faced his boss.

"Getting late, Boss. Think I should head home."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "Big plans?"

Tony gave a wry smile as his own words poised to McGee reflected back at him.

"You're looking at it."

He didn't know why he had just admitted that watching the movie was the highlight of his holidays but he decided to chalk it up to being extremely exhausted.

Gibbs gave a brief nod and reached out his hand and patted the chair beside him.

"The highlight of my night was drinking bourbon and sanding. Say got any bourbon around here?"

Tony wasn't sure if Gibbs was serious or not.

"No alcohol on the premises, Boss. You know the rules."

Gibbs grinned widely proud and relieved that he didn't have to worry about his agent drinking alone.

"Just making sure you did too, DiNozzo."

Tony walked over to the chair and sat down. He reached over to the popcorn and swiped some.

"Thought you couldn't eat another bite?"

Tony shrugged. "Got my appetite back."

There was a moment of silence.

"This is a good movie. The only thing I don't quite believe is that one man can make a difference. I think it takes many men...and women" Tony was careful to add, " to make things change."

Gibbs twitched. "I think one man can make a difference."

Tony laughed, " OK, well maybe if he's you...but us mere mortals...."

"Wasn't talking about me, Tony."

Tony looked at his Boss's face hidden in the shadows, blue eyes still strong.

"Got it, Boss."

Tony grew silent and continued to face the screen.

"What did Ned do anyway when he got there?"

Gibbs thought to all the emotions flashing through the man's eyes and the one that stuck out the most, came forth into his hands.

"He gave me this."

Gibbs handed the portraits of the team into the waiting hands of his second in command. Tony gently fingered the picture for fear that it would shatter if he touched it too much.

"Ned knew she was always his family."

Tony stared at Gibbs who paused to take a breath., " Just as he knew these people are mine." His finger brushed Tony's lightly on the paper he held. Tony smiled and relaxed into the chair taking Gibbs' words to heart.

"So Boss, how long has it been since you've seen this movie?"

Gibbs leaned back as well and sighed contentedly. Sanding and bourbon would have to wait.

**

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I rewatched Silent Night and just saw how forlorn Tony looked when he heard Gibbs wouldn't be there. I had to make him happy:) Hope you liked. Please review? Thanks!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Disclaimer: I do not own. **

**Thank you all for the reviews and alerts and also from my unsigned reviews!!! I love them all!**

**spoilers: Kill Ari part 1 takes place sometime in between this and 2.**

* * *

Tony wasn't sure how he found himself to be at Gibbs' house. Still recovering from the effects of the y-pestis combined by overwhelming fatigue from the past several days caused a fog to rage in his head blocking any sense of well... anything. He sighed as he stood in the rain in front of Leroy Jethro Gibbs' door. he raised his hand to knock once before changing his mind and lowering it to his side, shaking. He didn't know if he should even bother. The door was always unlocked. No one ever knocked on it, no one that Gibbs knew anyway. He probably wasn't even upstairs but sanding away at that damn boat . Tony felt his knees begin to give out and slid to the door, his back hitting it with a thud as he rested his head thinking of what his next move should be.

* * *

Gibbs had just returned to the kitchen to grab another bottle of bourbon hidden under his sink when he heard a thud hit his door. Cursing internally at the fact that he had left his weapon downstairs he decided to take peek out the window. The rain was coming down in droves. Gibbs cupped his hand over his eyes to get a better view. One sweep in the street and near the door , he saw nothing until ...his eyes dropped lower only to see a shivering Anthony DiNozzo on his door step. Gibbs frowned wishing Tony was home resting resting at 1 am, instead of here because that could only mean one thing. _Kate._

Tony began to figit and decided that he really shouldn't be where he was at this hour and was about to move but found that he couldn't. That 's when he heard the door begin to open and he inched forward startled.

"What the hell are you doin' Dinozzo?"

Tony sat hands in his pockets his cap pushed low over his eyes.

"I don't know."

Gibbs knew there was honesty behind that answer although he silently prayed that there wasn't.

"You still look like crap DiNozzzo."

Tony wanted to smile but there wasn't any to give.

"Well, what're ya doin' in the rain. Come on in."

Gibbs stepped back making room for the other agent only to see that Tony still hadn't budged.

"Can't move my legs, Boss."

Gibbs sighed and reached out a hand firmly grasping it in the other's and helped the younger man to his feet making sure he didn't fall over.

"Thought DiNozzos didn't pass out?"

Tony steadied himself and pushed off of Gibbs trying to support himself.

"I'm not passing out, just..."

He didn't know what he was.

Gibbs cocked his head and cracked a grin leading Tony into his living room.

* * *

As Tony entered the warmth of the living room, he found his voice.

"Surprised you heard me at all, Boss. I thought you would be in the dungeon."

Gibbs scowled and tony tried to look embarrassed but quickly gave up.

"I was, but needed to come up for this."

Gibbs produced a brand new bottle of boubon letting the other agent take in its strong scent.

Tony blinked a few times getting used to it and stepped back.

"What. Do you stash the stuff all around the house or something?"

Gibbs smiled. "Pretty much."

Tony found a small smile in himself at that confession. God, he really wanted a drink, but a part of him didn't want the offer.

Gibbs seemed to sense it and put the bottle down and gestured for Tony to sit on the couch without offering him any. Gibbs bent down in front of him, his knees cracking as he started a fire to warm Tony up.

"So...what's on your mind?"

Tony watched the flicker of the flames and envied their simplistic existence.

"Everything."

Gibbs turned to face the younger man, seeing the paleness of his skin and the dark circles still evident in his eyes. Everything was a lot to carry.

"Define everything, Tony."

Tony swallowed.

"Didn't know you had a fireplace Gibbs."

Gibbs smiled to himself. Deflecting. Classic DiNozzo.

"It came with the house about 45 years ago."

Tony nodded feigning interest as he began to become aware of his surroundings.

"How's the boat?"

Gibbs stood up wincing as the pain shot to his back.

"You didn't come here to discuss my boat."

Tony put his head down as if ashamed of the truth in those words.

"Kate. I can't stop thinking about her. Maybe if I had moved over a little bit move to protect her..."

"You would have been dead."

Tony's eyes met Gibbs. They were full of sadness and comfort, whatever comfort he could give anyway.

"Maybe."

Tony rubbed his cheek and gazed down at his hand. "I decided to take a walk ...in the rain you know to get the blood off."

Gibbs looked at Tony's unblemished face and feared that he was going into shock.

Tony continued admonsihing Gibbs's fear.

"I know it's already gone...but....maybe ...I don't know."

He ran his hands threw his hair and dropped his head to his knees in a fit of confusion and rage.

"Tony, "

Tony looked up as he felt a strong hand on his shoulder, gently squeezing him back to reality.

"Can't change it. What's done is done. Not your fault."

Tony eyed the hand and closed his eyes. He knew he should be relishing this but a part of him wanted normalcy, _needed _normalcy and GIbbs being too comforting wasn't normal.

"I thought I did a good job at bringing back the bastard. "

Gibbs looked to his hand absentmindedly rubbing circles on Tony's shoulder and quickly pulled it away.

"You did. Should I be slapping your head in circles then?"

Tony grinned widely at that one.

"Nah, have enough brain damage already."

Gibbs rolled his eyes in agreement.

"Can't argue that."

Tony watched his mentor. The banter seemed familear and he hoped it would continue even if it meant there was one less to share in it.

"Do you mind if I crash here, Boss?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"Nope, but don't expect to be coddled.

The words barely left his mouth when he realized a gentle snore coming from the couch. Tony was fast asleep still in his wet clothes shivering slightly. Images of blue and pain and fear like he hadn't experienced recoiled his senses. God, he could never experience that ever again. Gibbs reached down and gently removed the cap and jacket before covering his agent with a comforting blanket. Gibbs looked down at what he had done and grinned. Tomorrow Tony would know that when Gibbs said he was back to being the bastard he always was, he had lied.

**

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Thoughts? Please review. Do you want more?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Disclaimer: see previous. Thank you again for the reviews , alerts, etc. And to my unsigned reviewers thank thank as well!!!**

**spoilers: Bait, a bit of Hiatus part 2 and some insight from TV Guide issue with Ziva and Tony:)**

* * *

Tony sat at his kitchen table staring at the cracked tile across the room. He wasn't quite sure why he had found it so fascinating at the moment but he did. The glass filled with amber liquid twirled around deftly in his fingers. He was starting to feel numb. Not that this was the first time of course. Today, he had been in charge unexpectedly. It was a test...a test he nearly failed. Using his gut...thinking like GIbbs was the only thing that saved Tony today, the only thing that saved those kids today. The only thing worthwhile in this whole disaster. He took a long sip. Thank God it was a Friday. He would be paying all hell tomorrow if he started drinking on a school night. Tony sighed and slammed the glass down nearly shattering it. He stood up and grabbed his jacket. If he stayed here any longer he would surely go insane and drink to the point of not remembering anything. He _needed t_o remember this.. He had barely drank enough to be considered intoxicated so he reached for his keys and locked the door behind him as he headed to the one place he felt at ease.

* * *

Gibbs sat slowly sipping his coffee as he continued to read over the reports for the day. Tony had done good....a hell of a job. Gibbs twitched a part of him desperately wished he could say those words exactly to his senior agent, but he knew he couldn't. Not today anyway...maybe someday. The ding of the elevator broke his reverie as he saw the man himself emerge . Tony was dressed casually in jeans a comfortable t-shirt, his head down, not registering that Gibbs was even present yet. Gibbs glanced at his watch.

"1 a.m. a bit late to be here isn't it DiNozzo?"

Tony jumped clutching his chest dramatically. "Geez, Boss, you nearly gave me a heart attack."

He took a moment to gain his composure. "What are you doing here?"

Gibbs smirked. "Reading over the reports from today."

Tony 's eyes narrowed a bit as he sauntered over to GIbbs' desk.

"Thought those were all good."

Gibbs nodded as he continued to reread them.

"They are."

Tony crossed his arms to his chest, "Then why are you looking at them again?"

Gibbs broke contact with the forms and met his agent's questioning green eyes.

"Admiring the handiwork."

Tony nearly balked at the compliment. "Thanks, I suppose."

Gibbs tilted his head raising an eyebrow.

"Why, I suppose?"

Tony pushed himself off of GIbbs desk and walked back toward his own.

"Nothing. "

Gibbs wasn't about to let it drop. He knew Tony needed some prompting.

"This about that kid today?"

Tony gazed up at GIbbs.

"Yeah" , he replied sarcastically, " it's about that kid. I nearly got him killed!"

Gibbs ignored the raised voice knowing it wasn't meant for him.

"But you didn't ."

Tony sighed , dropping his shoulders in defeat.

"Yeah, and you know why? I did what you would have done. So if you want to thank anyone, thank yourself!"

He shoved the papers on his desk onto the floor , stood up running his hands through his hair and began to pace.

Gibbs watched the motion. It was like Tony had become trapped in his own skin, fighting and clawing his way out, but to no avail. he was still Tony... a Tony who had no faith in his own abilities no matter what. That needed to change.

"It was your decision."

Tony stopped pacing .

"It's what you would have done. "

Gibbs leaned back onto Tony's desk making himself comfortable.

"Is it?"

Tony kept his eyes on his mentor. "Yeah...I mean...you wouldn't have killed a kid, right?"

Gibbs thought about the question honestly for a moment and shook his head. "I don't know what I would have done in that situation."

The words seemed to tear at the fabric of Tony's being.

"Oh my God."

Gibbs watched as Tony came to a conclusion.

"I was basing my whole decision on what you would have done instead of what I would have done. Can't do that. "

Gibbs smiled as Tony admitted the truth to himself.

"No, you can't. Always trust your _own_ gut."

Gibbs stood up and leaned in over Tony who had now slunk to his seat, resting his hand against his cheek.

"When you 're team leader someday, you'll really understand that."

Tony's eyes widened almost in horror at the thought.

"I'm not leaving."

Gibbs smiled, dipping his head.

"You might not be, but I will someday."

Tony stood up. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest.

"Not anytime soon, right Boss?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Not planning on it."

Tony smiled in return.

"Good."

Gibbs began to walk away.

"Gibbs?"

Tony's voice sounded so lost and forlorn that Gibbs couldn't help but show some concern in his eyes.

"What if that time comes and I make a mistake. What if I'm not ready? What if I don't know what I'm suppose to do?"

Gibbs reached out a hand and rested it on his shoulder with a gentle smile.

"When the time comes, you'll do what needs to be done. "

He paused squeezing Tony's shoulder as the two men stood face to face. Gibbs repeated in all earnestly.

"You'll do."

**

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Please review. I really didn't like in Hiatus when GIbbs said You'll do ( s I know many of you didn't;t.) Maybe in my world anyway he meant it more along the lines like this ( he was smiling and grasping his shoulder when he said it.) Translation in Gibbs tone: pride. Also The TV Guide mentioned how Tony was growing out of his own skin. I think he can see that that especially this past season.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Disclaimer: See previous**

**spoilers to Minimum Security**

* * *

Tension: it permeated the air nearly squeezing the life out of the two men preparing for the elevator ride up. it had been a mere day or so since their excursion with Agent Paula Cassidy. Over the past few days, Gibbs made his wishes about Rule 12 clearly known, but Tony being Tony was stubborn. Two can play this game, thought Gibbs as the two men entered the welcoming elevator doors. As the doors swished before them, it took a mere few minutes before one of them pushed the emergency stop button.

"What's your deal with me, Gibbs?"

Gibbs turned to face the younger man head on.

"You know damn well what 'the deal' is..." he emphasized with quotations.

"Paula is not even on our team..."

"She's still an agent..."

"So you're telling me you're happier knowing I have one night stands whose names I can' remember half the time or no one for that matter than someone I might have a future with because she's an agent?"

The words spilled rapidly from the younger man's lips before he realized how much information he had shared. He felt his cheeks burned furiously and his hand went to slam on the button when Gibbs grabbed him roughly halting the action.

"There are rules for a reason, DiNozzo." The words came out softly.

Tony turned to face the senior agent, his hair falling into his eyes , eyes bright, making him look vulnerable.

"Your rules, Gibbs. Not mine."

Tony pulled his hand away. Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger in despair.

"Things don't always turn out the way you like... God forbid, what if you two were working a case and she gets shot in front of you. What would you do? Assess the situation or go to your lover?"

Tony continued to stare directly unflinching into Gibb's blue eyes. He really took a good look and saw something else there, rarely seen.

"You were hurt before weren't you, Gibbs?"

Gibbs surpressed a twitch.

"Better to distance yourself, Tony. You'll be a better agent for it."

Tony smiled wryly.

" A better agent, but what about a better man? Are you telling me that you keep everyone at arm's length? Ducky, Abby? " more softly. "Me?"

Gibbs took a deep breath knowing that his next words would be the final straw as he stepped into his senior agent's face but that for Tony's own sake they needed to be said.

"DiNozzo. Think with your other head for a change. Rule 12 stands."

Tony hit the emergency button allowing the elevator to continue its ascension.

"I'm not thinking with my head at all. " He dropped his eyes for a moment gathering strength.

"I'm thinking with my heart."

Their eyes met. Tony's face fell hating to disappoint his boss.

"I can't be like that Gibbs... living everyday with no one to care about."

The ding of the elevator caught them both off guard. Tony stepped out of the elevator leaving Gibbs behind. He paused allowing he door to remain open.

"Besides. It's too late, Boss. I already care about the team" He took a deep breath"....about you." He let the door close as he stepped away his back facing Gibbs.

Gibbs stopped the door allowing it to reopen watching his surrogate son walk away.

He whispered to himself. " It's too late for me too, Tony."

**

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I know not a totally happy ending but even fathers and sons fight, right? a bit short but I wanted to update since I hadn't RL and all Please review! I really love them! **


	6. Chapter 6

chapter 6

**Disclaimer: See previous.**

**Spoilers for Alyiah and a little bit for Bounce. Thanks again guys for alerts, and reviews!**

* * *

Gibbs tried not to grind his teeth as he replayed Leon Vance's words in his head.

_End Game_. Gibbs was too old for games. _Diplomacy, ass kissing_, something neither he nor Tony were good at when it came to politics. Vance was very adamant about what was about to go down. Gibbs had been through enough with his senior agent the past year. One more mistake on his part, a loss of trust, could push Tony over the edge. Gibbs sighed as he took a step toward Tony's apartment. He raised his hand , knocked and waited.

* * *

Tony had arrived home , slamming the door shut behind him, and throwing his sling off his arm. He winced as he tried to remove his jacket, slipping the Armani off gingerly. He sunk deep onto his futon and then attempted to retie the damn thing. After 10 second he realized it was a futile effort on his part so he let it stayed wrapped around his arm like a security blanket instead of a healing aid.

He stared down at his shoes. His mind was no where and everywhere at once. He began to rub his shoes absentmindedly against the hard wood floor causing scuff marks to appear. He found it both disturbing and exhilarating that he didn't care.

He was about to flip on the television when he heard knock on the door. He stood up and inched his way forward cursing himself for not taking pain meds and looked through the peephole.

_Damn it._ It was Gibbs. Tony sighed and figured it was best to get this over with knowing it had something to do with Vance and Ziva. _God what a mess!_

Gibbs saw his senior agent carefully open the door, cradling his arm against an untied sling. Momentarily thrown off by the sight of the disheveled man , Gibbs growled.

"What the hell ya doing DiNozzo?"

Tony responded accordingly not bothering to hide his malice.

"Thought the sling wasn't good fashion statement. Might interfere with the next Mossad agent I have to kill. "

Gibbs eyes narrowed slightly.

"Pack your bags."

Tony balked for a moment then burst out laughing.

"Whatever clout you _or _ Vance thinks you may have on me, no one can kick me out of my home. .."

"Tel Aviv. We're going to Tel Aviv."

Tony's eyes softened. "Oh. Wait we? Who's we?"

Gibbs pushed his way past his agent and into the apartment.

"Me, you, Vance and Ziva."

Tony closed his eyes carefully pinching the bridge of his nose.

"OK. What do I need to do."

Gibbs tried to keep busy and he flipped through a GSM magazine Tony had lying about.

"Vance says we have to play the end game. Diplomacy."

Gibbs met Tony's eyes. "He wants you to be the bait."

Tony licked his lips and held his wounded arm closer.

"Sure, why not, right? It's not like this wasn't my fault!"

The last words were shouted just as GIbbs reached out and pulled the sling a bit tighter around his agent's arm.

Tony was seething and bit back the pain as he saw Gibbs begin to tie the sling around his neck gingerly.

Their eyes met. Gibbs knew Tony's anger was just beginning to come forth. THe past month or so he had been walking a fine line and this was the last straw.

"I never said it was _your f_ault, Tony. You know how the game is played."

Green stared at blue and no words were said. The mission was understood.

Tony dropped his eyes to the floor. He was sweating a bit and Gibbs noticed the tension radiating from his body.

"Got any pain meds?"

Tony shook his head. "Can't take any if you want me to find out intel."

He sunk back into the futon with Gibbs resting on the arm of the chair.

"Vance thinks you can do it."

Tony scoffed. "Vance isn't the one being thrown to the wolves."

Gibbs remained stationary and brushed his pant leg smoothing out any creases.

Flashes of a war game gone bad raced through his mind. Harsh words, trust misplaced. Things would be different this time. he turned to face the younger man whose head was face down, shoulders, slumped. Gibbs had to let Tony know he had his six this time.

"I'll be there, watching you. Anything goes wrong, anything then I don't' care what Vance says, I'm pulling you out. Is that understood?"

Tony met his boss's eyes. He saw something there. It was an understanding, a trust that he had in Tony and that Tony had in him. No matter what mistakes were made in their past, they would never lose that trust .

"Understood."

Gibbs smirked and patted Tony's arm gently .

He stood up leaving a confused DiNozzo behind.

"Boss?"

Gibbs tuned to face the younger man.

"What was with the butt slap in Vance' office today? Is it the new head slap? Cause I haven't been getting those much lately and I figured I wasn't getting head slaps because I was getting _really_ good at my job...

*Whump*

Tony froze. He rubbed the back of his head.

Gibbs replied. "Is that better?"

Tony looked weakly up at his mentor.

"I ...guess."

Gibbs shook his head smiling and muttering as he headed to Tony's room to help him pack.

"That's the last time_ I'll_ be nice."

**

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Review please? Love it, or hate it? Thank you to all of you who do review, unsigned and signed, alerts etc. Makes my day!!!. **


	7. Chapter 7

**chapter 7**

**Disclaimer: See chapter 1**

**tag to Requiem and some spoilers for Missing( minor)**

**Thanks for reviews and alerts, signed and unsigned....you guys are great. Enjoy!**

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Tony walked slowly over to the bed where one Leroy Jethro Gibbs was sound asleep. He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and took in the sight before him. A mere few hours earlier, Gibbs had been dead, legally dead along with Maddie Tyler who had been pulled into the dangerous underworld and the antics of his boss. A part of Tony wanted to blame Gibbs thinking he brought this on himself, not trusting any of them to have him six even if it was for personal matters...._especially_ for personal matters. It didn't matter whose fault it was at this point. Tony sighed and pulled up a hospital chair wincing as it squeaked across the tile floor. He kept his eyes steady on his boss watching his chest go up and down in a steady rhythm.

"So, " he began casually as if Gibbs were awake. "Maddie's doing well. The docs want to keep her overnight as well as you, I'm sure you know, for observation."

Nothing.

"Me....I'm fine. Just told to keep an eye on things. You know how it is." DiNozzo continued to nod as if someone else was responding to him.

He scoffed stretching his long legs out until they touched right under the hospital bed.

"Look, I'm not really sure what to say here...not use to talking to people when they're asleep. " Tony paused for a moment before using his hands to speak.

"This is the part where you jump in and say", and he imitated in a gruff voice, 'that's because they usually don't stay that long, DiNozzo' or something like that." Tony pinched the bridge of his nose.

"i know I...I failed at my own joke. not always good when it comes to this type of thing. Used to being the brunt of joke, hey sometimes I welcome it. Being the brunt end of your anger, the brunt of McGoo's wisecracks of late. ..use to being ignored."

The last word came out strained, an echo of the strength he had planned to say it in his head.

"But today....today when you passed right over me. You met my eyes for a second. I thought maybe a nod or something.... anything to acknowledge I was there....."

There was silence except for Gibbs constant breathing. Tony took a moment to relish in it.

"I wasn't looking for a thank you. You know I don't need the attention. "

Gibbs almost frowned in his sleep.

"OK, I need attention, ....but when it comes to you guys.....I would do anything ...no matter what Still......" he could only imagine how brightly his eyes shown in the light. "It hurt, Boss." He had started to pace at this point. " I try to do everything the way you would to make you proud... to make you want to keep me around " he stopped pacing and stared off in the distance and began to mostly mutter to himself.

"Maybe not enough."

He bit his lower lip thanking God above that his Boss couldn't see him now looking so damn vulnerable.

"I just wish...." he found it hard to say. Maybe by saying it , it would never come true.

With his head down and his feet shuffling like a lost child, he muttered,

"i just wished you cared enough to stop by to see me is all."

He was interrupted from his musings when he heard Nurse Melanie call out to him.

"Agent DiNozzo?"

Tony spun around with a warm smile waiting. God, she was hot and he made sure she knew he was interested.

" Lovely Nurse Melanie. What can I do for you?"

The nurse sauntered over making sure Tony noticed her curves in all the right places.

"I wanted to bring you this. "

She held out a cup of lukewarm coffee in her hands.

"You had left it in your room and I thought you might want it."

Tony smiled followed by a soft laugh as he gazed into the dark liquid before him.

"No, I didn't. I don't drink my coffee bla...."

He stopped and felt his face lose all color.

"Agent DiNozzo? Are you alright?"

Tony felt beads of sweat beginning to drip down the side of his face as he loosened his recently dried tie suddenly cutting off his air supply.

"Did I by chance have any visitors I wasn't told about?"

Nurse Melanie paused. "A few. One was a doctor, another a young Goth, two of your agent friends I think and....your boss."

Tony swallowed.

"My boss?" _DId that just come out as a high pitched squeak? _

_"D_id he say anything?"

The Nurse smiled at the handsome face before her.

"He seemed to be a man of a few words."

Tony grinned and silently agreed.

Yea...that he is. Thanks."

He took the cup and placed it beside Gibbs. Nurse Melanie smiled and walked out of the room. Tony's heart began to pound as he peered closer at Gibbs. He monitored his breathing for any signs that his Boss was not truly deep asleep.

When Tony felt safe, he stood tall and fixed his tie.

"Good thing you're asleep. " He stole another glance just to be sure.

"Always could tell when you're faking it."

He glanced around the room once more looking to make sure no one else was around, hiding in plain sight.

"Listen, " he laughed nervously rubbing his hands together." Let's forget everything I just said. I mean...of course you care about me....I'm irreplaceable right?" He waited hearing nothing but his own heart and Gibbs's breathing.

"It doesn't matter anyway, you're asleep and won't know single word I've said. "

He smirked having won one over on his mentor, relishing the fact that he was right .

"Thanks, GIbbs. I'll say it if you can't" his mouth twitched a bit, " but I know you want to."

He ran his hands over his Gibb's hair like he did at the dock startling himself into reality.

He whispered, "See you next week, GIbbs."

Tony walked out the door and down the hall never knowing that he was leaving behind a smiling Leroy Jethro Gibbs who took in every word to his steadily beating heart.

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**Please review! Makes me write faster!!! Thanks again everyone!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Disclaimer: Sorry I haven't updated in a long time! I was sick and well...that was enough:) Do not own:(**

**spoilers: Honor Code**

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Tony watched longingly as a dark little head buried itself in his father's embrace. He inched further as he sat on the edge of his desk. He sighed. He was happy for the boy of course, but another emotion was trying to coexist and it made him feel physically sick. Tony sensed Gibbs presence before he spoke a word.

"Nice , isn't it?"

Gibbs watched the scene before him with a heavy heart. While he heard the hint of jealousy in his senior agent's voice, he himself _felt_ it.

Tony kept his eyes on the father and child as they headed toward the elevator.

Gibbs threw a quick glance to Tony as his words from the previous day ran through his head.

"How old were you?"

Tony 's eyes were glazed over as his legs swung back and forth rhythmically, embracing the comfortable motion.

Gibbs lowered his head realizing the younger man was lost in the past. He knew the look when he saw it.

"Tony?"

Tony turned to face his boss suddenly realizing he wasn't alone.

He quickly turned his head away, wondering how bright his eyes must have looked at that moment.

"11."

It came out more like a whisper than he wanted it to.

He scratched the side of his nose, a distraction, a way to focus on something other than the painful memory resurfacing.

"My mom had just passed away a few months before. The time came for spring break and all..., "

Tony flashed a weak grin.

"He figured, a little work, a little pleasure maybe some time with me" he stopped, ".....with me...."

His words drifted off.

Gibbs moved in a little closer but didn't touch the other agent.

"I mean," he tried. Defending the man came natural to Tony." We uh...." Tony's eyes dropped to the floor staring at the patterns in the carpet.

"We had dinner together. We talked ...for a little bit. Actually I did more of the talking, no surprise there, huh, Boss?."

He looked up to Gibbs waiting for a joke, an insult, something to signal he was listening. All he saw was a sad smile and suddenly, he wished he had kept his mouth shut.

"Did you miss your flight?"

Tony froze for the moment. His blood ran cold. His jaw twitched and his eyes darkened. So many people had asked that question. Logical..._hurtful...._

"Yeah, must have been that. " Gibbs knew that something he had said triggered the change in tone.

Tony stiffened suddenly his hands flailing about.

"It makes sense right? I am a screw-up so I must have _just missed_ the flight of the _private_ jet that my dad went on...I mean I guess it can be pretty hard to count to _2_ when you had more than one Vodka by 8 am ...."

He laughed mirthlessly before growing solemn.

"I was standing there, bags packed when I realized he was gone. He left me. He left me wondering ..." Gibbs kept his focus on his friend. Shoulders had sagged, defeat evident.

He was done.

Gibbs resumed his position and sat right next to the other man on the edge of the desk until their legs touched side by side. Tony eyed his boss unsure and cautious at the gesture.

"Wasn't your fault. Didn't mean to imply that it was. Just don't understand why some people do what they do. "

Tony nodded and faked a smile. "I wonder that everyday, Boss."

Gibbs patted Tony's knee and stood up. Tony looked to the knee, relishing the brief contact before looking toward the man he often wished was there that day instead of his own father so long ago.

"You were great with Zach, Boss. You would've made a great dad."

Gibbs stared steadily at the elevator where the happy scene had ended moments before as flashes of his own past, unknown to the others, came back to dwell instead.

"You don't know that."

Tony heard the words, torn and painful uttered from his mentor's lips and now it was his turn to wonder what _he_ had said wrong.

To try and amend he spoke, "You would be. I mean you would never leave your kid behind, would you Boss?"

_Imagined screams in a horrible death, a crying child's pleading words, 'don't go, Daddy.'_

It was too much to bear. He turned quickly and began to leave, pausing briefly to his agent, eye to eye from across the room wishing he could say more to him but right now...._right now._...

"We all make mistakes DiNozzo. Some we can fix...many we can't ."

Tony's eyes questioned the response.

"Take that anyway you like."

With that GIbbs left. Tony was once again left behind watching and wondering.....

**

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Hope you like the update. I have a lot of ideas so I will have another one soon. Love to hear your thoughts!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**I can't help it. I totally loved the premiere ( very Tony centric!!!)and needed to do a missing scene. SPOILERS major if you haven't' seen it yet. Thanks again for the support and reviews, alerts, both signed and unsigned. WArning: contains some slight TIVA if not your thing skip but not much. I am just seeing and writing in the direction the writers are. **

**Once again, I do not own the characters:(**

**spoilers: Truth or Consequences. Takes place before Tony's breakdown of "No."**

_Tony: After that business as usual lost all meaning....._

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The days and nights began to mesh for Gibbs' s team as a whole, what remained of it anyway. The did their jobs, went home in the evening and hid their demons in only the ways they knew how. Still, the effort to carry on was becoming almost unbearable for one member in particular.

Tony sat at his desk, typing, listening , breathing, at least he thinks he was. Nothing around him made sense anymore. He could only comprehend basic words and phrases.

_"Grab your gear."_

He followed orders to the best of his ability, but the jokes were gone. The smile buried somewhere with Ziva along with the guilt he carried .

_It should have been me. She wanted it to be me. _

Tony stood lost and motionless for God knows how long when he heard a faint voice attempting to break him out of his funk.

"Tony?"

Tony turned to face his boss, his eyes wide and vacant, brown hair falling into his face making him look a lot younger than he was.

"Sorry, Boss, did you say something?"

Gibbs twitched slightly in some semblance of a sad smile and crooked his finger urging his agent to follow him.

Tony sighed, dreading what he knew was to come but at the same time really didn't care anymore.

* * *

Once the elevator doors had shut , Gibbs hit the emergency button.

He said nothing, standing still as if at complete attention to his agent before him, waiting for him to make the first move.

"I feel like I can't breathe. "

At fist Gibbs was a bit shocked but quickly hid his emotions. This was not the first thing he had expected to leave his second's mouth.

"it was like when I had the plague, remember?"

Gibbs face should some irritation and Tony quickly moved on.

"Course you remember. You were there."

He rubbed his hands together, trying to remove the sweat that had been building along with his erratically beating heart.

"Everyday...I mean...I can hear the words people say to me, but I ..I can't understand them anymore, you know? I can't sleep. I can't eat, I can't do anything right...."

His eyes faced his mentor longing clearly evident for what would never be and shame at admitting it with the two words about to leave his lips.

"She's dead."

Gibbs nodded his head slowly lost in his own thoughts and conclusions no matter how much he wanted to deny them.

"I know, DiNozzo. I know."

Tony looked straight into Gibbs seeing stark blue reflected back, passive, accepting of Tony's emotions no matter what and at that moment Tony knew he understood as well. There was no one to blame.

_I know_. It meant so much more than that.

Gibbs looked away briefly fearing the damage his next question would have on Tony but knew he had to ask it.

"Can you still do your job?"

Tony kept his gaze on Gibbs, feeling a stab of pain that was familiar but not unwelcomed.

"Yeah, " he replied not trying to hide the bit of anger lacing his words even though deep down he knew Gibbs had to ask, He was the leader and he had another member to protect besides him.

Gibbs nodded.

"Good."

The emergency button switched back on allowing the two men to exit the secrets and confines in that tiny space only to go on... business as usual.

_"Grab your gear." _

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I know a bit short. Hope you liked ! Please review. I love to red them and will reply back if signed!!!**


	10. Chapter 10

**chapter 10**

I** do not own the characters.**

**A/N Thanks as always for the reviews and alerts. Thank you to all anonymous reviewers.**

**spoilers:takes place after the last scene in the episode Family This isn't a long one, but I kept thinking of it since I just re watched it the other day. If I get enough reviews, I will try to post another chapter this weekend.**

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Gibbs saw the shake of his hair allowing droplets of water to splash on the other two members of his team. McGee feigned annoyance before breaking into a smirk purely for Tony's benefit. Ziva smiled coyly at the unspoken banter grateful to see that in her mind, Tony had made the right decision. Gibbs allowed his gaze to rest on his senior agent until Tony couldn't ignore the heat any longer.

"McGee?"

McGee turned to face Gibbs.

"Bring the car around. Ziva , make sure all the evidence is prepared..."

"Already, done, Gibbs."

Gibbs continued to face cold blue orbs deep into her brown ones.

"Uh...I will double check it."

McGee and Ziva knew they should make themselves scarce and quickly did so.

Tony swallowed knowing his Boss wanted to have a "talk". He really wasn't up for it. He started to follow the other two when Gibbs caught his arm.

"Not you, DiNozzo."

Tony sighed and ran his hand through his spiky hair.

"Can we walk and talk Boss?"

Gibbs looked over his agent's shoulder to the couple gushing over their newborn...a perfect family. Gibbs own heart crushed in envy.

He saw the gaze Tony had as he watched them. He lost something the other day that he never had and might never have again..._a chance._

Gibbs jerked his head beckoning his agent to follow him outside. The wind felt cool against Tony's still damp skin as he heard the front door close behind him. . He unconsciously ran his fingers together still feeling the texture of the paper now burning in the fire place left behind. _Kind of like me_, he thought.

He looked to the ground and shoved his hands in his pockets, eyes closed as the wind began to pick up. Gibbs looked in the street as he saw McGee and Ziva doing their best to accommodate an awkward situation. He felt a small smile tug at the corner of his lips. It had taken him years to see someone besides Shannon and Kelly as family and he knew DiNozzo was the same way. The decision mustn't have come lightly, but he knew. He knew what was in that letter by reading in between the lines. He could see the loss on his second's face and knew he would feel it for months to come ...maybe longer knowing Tony. Still.... a simple gesture to show that there were people who cared about him, well, that was the least Gibbs could do.

"You OK?"

Tony raised his eyes from the ground to stare at the hand upon his shoulder. He had been standing there for what felt like forever staring wishing that the earth would swallow him whole as opposed to having to deal with Gibbs's pep talk. It would most likely have included a dressing down for being foolish enough to fall for a mark in the first place as well as other choice phrases Tony cared not to dwell on. This...gentle squeezing ...was not even in his top ten.

Tony's eyes fearful and cautious at best met Gibbs softened stare. _No more lies. _Tony was through with lies.

"No."

It was the only word he had left in him that was the truth.

**

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Short and not happy I know but something that I think was needed. please review. Love your thoughts! Reviews make my day!**


	11. Chapter 11

**chapter 11**

**Disclaimer: Do not own characters.**

**Thank you for all the reviews so quickly! As promised here is another chapter!**

**Also check out my profile page. If any of you are crafters out there I have a book I wrote for sale and another on the way! Yes, free publicity!**

**spoilers for Driven.**

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Gibbs sighed as he stared for the umpteenth time at his watch. It was after midnight. Where the hell was DiNozzo? Gibbs wrapped his scarf around him a bit tighter and hunched further onto the stoop outside Tony's apartment. After his talk with Ziva, he couldn't get the unsettling fear that lingered in his gut to go away. He was heading toward his own home when he thought a quick "Aw, hell, " and found himself here , in the cold, shivering like an idiot, waiting for a wayward son. DiNozzo wasn't answering his cell: First mistake. Now he was MIA. Gibbs growled and was about to try calling agin when a familiar car's headlights made their way to his side. Gibbs concern was turning to anger and he prayed for his agent's sake that he had one hell of a good excuse.

* * *

Tony found himself smiling, lost in the current song on the radio and whistling along. He really wanted to stay all night in Jeanne's arms, but she was called in . Ah well, he thought, the life of a doctor and federal agent...no, wait, a film professor. Right... Tony swallowed and looked at the keys in his hand. He was getting too close. There was no way out of this. If only he could fall asleep and wake up in her world then maybe....

BANG! BANG! BANG!

He was startled from his thoughts from the persistent banging on his window and the angry eyes of his Boss.

_Shit._

Tony rolled down his window and tried smiling, " In the neighborhood, Boss..?."

"Get out of the car, NOW!"

Tony flinched and did as he was told. Maybe there's a case. _I did have the cell phone off...._

"Where the hell were you? I've been trying to call you for the past hour?"

Tony shrunk back a a bit. "Ah...I was out? Why do we have a case?"

Gibbs ran a shaky hand through his hair.

"What?!? No."

Now it was Tony's turn to feel the heat rise. "So, why are you here then?"

Gibbs's eyes turned cold. "It's after midnight and I've been trying to reach you."

Tony feeling a bit confused opted to walk by his mentor ignoring any threat that may exist.

"Gee, _DAD_, didn't know I had a curfew. "

Gibbs grabbed the lapels of his agent's jacket and slammed him against his car.

"Do ya think this is funny, DiNozzo?"

Tony pushed Gibbs off of him.

"Maybe if someone let me in on the joke."

Gibbs sighed and jammed his shaking hands into his pocket and stared at Tony.

Tony stared back neither one saying a word.

"Are you feeling OK?"

Tony blinked once , twice.

"Feeling Ok? Well, I was until you decided to slam me against my car!"

He couldn't help but shout the last part.

Gibbs let out a low breath.

"What's with the hospital bracelet?"

Tony gazed down at the red bracelet adorning his wrist and an involuntary smile came to his lips.

"Now who thinks this is funny?"

Tony 's face fell as reality of what Gibbs was implying set in.

"It's about this?", he said pointing to the bracelet.

"Gee, Boss, didn't even think you noticed."

Gibbs cleared his throat and met his second's eyes.

"Didn't. Ziva did."

For a moment Tony thought that maybe , just maybe Gibbs cared, cared enough so that Tony could let his guard down for just a bit, until those words were out of his mouth. Nothing had changed. Nothing will change.

"Ziva, huh?"

Gibbs heard the disappointment and felt a hint of shame at not being the one to notice, but there was no time to linger on that now.

"So?"

Tony was rubbing the bracelet around his wrist and with a reluctant grin replied, "I'm fine, Boss, honest."

Gibbs looked deeply into his friend's eyes. He knew Tony was telling the truth about this, but something still felt...wrong.

"If you don't mind, Gibbs, it's been a long day and I need some sleep, so..."

He train of thought lost along the bitter chill of the air.

Gibbs stood gazing at Tony's profile. Hunched shoulders, weary and somewhat lost. Why hadn't he seen it before?

Tony realized Gibbs wasn't going to move until he got something for his trouble...anything.

"I promise, if something comes up...you'll be the first to know."

Gibbs took that into consideration.

"Fair enough."

Tony turned with his back to Gibbs. _A coward's way, but it's the only way I can say it right now without him knowing the truth._

"Sorry, Boss."

With that, Tony entered his apartment building leaving Gibbs behind with more questions than answers and a gut feeling that something awful was about to pass.

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